True Woman

The famous Chinese ancient scholar MengZi said: "when Heaven is going to give a great responsibility to someone, it first tortures his mind, wears out his body, and starves his stomach. It inflicts him with poverty and knocks down everything he tries to build. In this way heaven stimulates his mind, stabilizes his temper, corrects his weaknesses and develops his ability." When it comes to women, look no further for such a heavy growing journey. Nature has already prepared women. There surely are many other ways to build the strong mind for man or woman, mom or not. However, for moms, the moment the maternal instinct has been triggered, we are in route. When I learnt Chinese dance for the first time in the COVID year, I came to know that in Mongolian culture, a mom is depicted as the purest and most beautiful woman. I imagine it also means a mom carries life wisdom and inspires family and people around. 2020 is a year of reflection. I asked myself on the day after Thanksgiving, while preparing meal for the kids --- they have been home schooling for almost the entire year because of COVID. "If I would die soon, if my days are numbered, would I be fine with that?" Interestingly, I felt peace. I have lived the way I wanted. I have done things I wished to do. I am proud to be where I am today. In this journey called life, I am deeply grateful for the people I have met, the lessons I have learned, the hints I have received. I may have been slow, I may have been naive, but I have learned. I have faced death, conquered fear, experienced miracles, tried hard on dead ends, and grew out of myself many times, physically and mentally. Success means different things to different people. For me, a successful life means a beautiful family, a healthy body, and a free spirit. Everything else is just means to get there. In the next half of my life, I aim to become the "True Woman" I have envisioned. A true woman, to me, means she is beautiful on the outside, kind on the inside, fair towards all, courageous by nature's design, and leads by heart. "Live Beautifully", is the journey that I have been walking on all along, and I will continue to explore, to discover, and to celebrate the beauty of life, with my children, my family, my loved ones, and the most important of all, with myself. Every major turn in my life was painful, and there have been several --- literally, extreme physical pain and the desperate mental pain. It appears that just to lead a basic life, there are hefty prices to pay. I left China twenty four years ago, right after I was forced to have an abortion --- my first child lost forever, along with trust and hope for my country. Eight years later, I almost lost my daughter during labor --- a rare medical incident happened that I was bleeding to death while my heartbeat was approaching zero, when she was still inside me. Four years after my daughter was born, I almost lost my son during pregnancy because of prior frequent miscarriages. When my son was three, my health condition bottomed and I was told I have early stage stomach cancer. I soon had a severe virus attack all over the body. With hands bleeding from harsh medicine and wrapped in bandages, I could not hold laptop and type. Seven years later, for the first time since my children were born, I left my family behind in Dallas, working and living alone in California. In early 2019, to stop the ever worsening plaque of Anemia due to several uterus tumors, I made a decision to perform Hysterectomy - the surgical procedure to remove a woman's uterus. As proud and strong as I have always been, for the first time in my life, I fell into a depression. Like many women, I had one ultimate goal in the first half of my life --- to build a loving family. It may not seem much to others, but I almost died trying. I thank creator of this universe to have empowered me to succeed, and I cherish it with every bit of my breath.