The New MAGNIFIED Version of The GOOD NEWS According to Saint JOHN!

There is Little John, BIG BAD John, Dear John, Uncle John, and many other Johns in this World of Wonders; but, there are none who come even Close to Competing with The New MAGNIFIED Version of The GOOD NEWS According to Saint John Zebedee Boanerges in Plain English, who is one of the Sons of THUNDER! Yes, you will no doubt Hear that Rumbling Thunder in the Far Distance as you Carefully Read this Inspired Book, which will not only Speak with your Mind and Heart; but, it will Speak with your SOUL - that is, with your Mind, Body and Spirit - all of which will be Jumping for JOY after Reading just the first 50 Pages! Guaranteed - that is, unless you are Spiritually DEAD, in which Case you might as well Waste your Precious Time reading Fairy Tales or Romance Novels: beCause this Inspired Book is for Spiritual ADULTS, only, who have at least a Third-grade Level of Education with a Capital E - as in an Enlightened Mind, who can Understand the Elementary Teachings of Jesus Christ, who is a whole New Character within this Special Book, and one like you have never Imagined! Indeed, this Jesus Deals with Present-day Problems, and Reveals HOW to Solve all such Problems, Tax-free! Yes, that might be Extremely Difficult for you to Believe, O Lady Doubtfulness: beCause of having some Religious Roadblock set up within your own Mind, or perhaps within your own Heart, which we Trust to be a Good Heart; but we, at Amazon dot com, Assure you with the Utmost Confidence that it is 100% TRUE! Yes, this Amazing Book Reveals HOW to Solve ALL of our Massive Problems without Collecting even so much as a DIME from the Tax Slaves! But, before you EXPLODE with Anger and Outrage at such an Idea, you must Remember that we Offer a ONE-MILLION-DOLLAR REWARD to anyone who can Prove that Statement of Fact to be WRong! Therefore, "put up or shut up," as they say at the Local Barhop for Depressed Souls. Indeed, we would not make such an Offer, if it were not True. Therefore, have some FAITH, O Lady Doubtfulness, and get your Head OUT of those 2 Stinking Holes in "The BIG White OUTHOUSE on the Not-so-Biblical Capitol DUNGHILL," in Washington, District of Chief Criminals, who will most Certainly NOT Want their Tax Slaves to Discover an Amazing Book like THIS: beCause it is Bound by Destiny to put all of those Wicked Ones OUT of Business! Guaranteed! Therefore, take Heart, O Education Slaves, Work Slaves, Tax Slaves, Interest Slaves, Insurance Slaves, Rent Slaves, Mortgage Slaves, Food Bills Slaves, Gas Bills Slaves, ElecTrickery Bills Slaves, Water Bills Slaves, Childcare Slaves, Credit Card Debt Slaves, Sex Slaves, Drug Slaves, and all other Kinds of SLAVES of the Evil Empire: beCause you are about to be LIBERATED from all Slavery - that is, if you have the Faith of a PISS ANT! - or, as Jesus would say, the Faith of a Mustard Seed! Yes, it will Naturally Require more Faith than most People presently have: beCause they have come to the Far End of their Rope of Hopelessness, you might say; but, be of Good Cheer, and put your Best Foot Forward, even if you have to BEG for the Money to Buy this Inspired Book: beCause you are also Welcome to Sell it for a Reasonable Profit, and KEEP 90% of the Net Profits for your own Prosperity, Peace and Happiness! Yes, TRUE Happiness, O Lady Doubtfulness! Otherwise, just Visit your nearest Swanky TRUTH-brary, where you can read it for FREE with a Hand-carved Leather-bound Cover! PEACE and Happiness to YOU!